I Had A Major Fight With Mike

Wednesday, September 21, 2005:

He thinks he can keep me stringed along while he plays house with his girlfriend. I really want to know where he gets the nerve to think all I do is sit around waiting for him to come back?? I swear, I must have 'stupid' tattooed on my forehead in invisible ink. Only men can see it.

I am in an unbelievably bad mood tonight and I hate that. I think because my Lexapro prescription ran out and so I haven't taken it for two days. Then when I called to have it refilled, they filled the wrong one. That means I'm on too many meds, and they didn't know which one I had asked for. I have so many prescription bottles that I now need a new purse. The one I have is too small. That is sad, right?

So, I heard on the radio that Eminem is out of rehab, but he hooked up with some chick that was in there at the same time. Dang, I didn't realize I had to be an addict to appeal to him. I guess I should have seen that one coming though because his wife is one and now so is the new girl. Mariah Carey wasn't an addict, she was just a little nutso. I think I qualify in that category, because if you knew me, you'd probably think so too! I'm not the kind of girl who is going to go all mental on TRL, and try to strip, but I am the kind of person who likes to have fun, and I'll pretty much do anything once. Life is too short to be boring.

My sister Kim has crushes on a few 'ancient' men. Ancient to her apparetly is anyone born in the 60's, of which I am one of those people. She likes Anderson Cooper, Conan O'Brien, Hugh Grant (only b/c of the accent, because if he sounded like Susan Hawk from the first "Survivor" he wouldn't be appealing.) and Harry Connick, Jr. I think of those men, only Conan is in his 40's. Otherwise, these guys are all my age. Which is sad. If I had to pick older men crushes, I guess I'd pretty much be stuck with Walter Matthau, Dan Rather, and President Bush. Of those 3, I think one is dead, the other not attractive, and so I'd have to choose Bush. I voted for him and he's attractive in a goofy kind of way. He'd always be good for a laugh or two, since he has trouble staying on his bike, and hasn't he tripped once or twice, or am I confusing him with former President Ford? Oh well. The only 'older' guy I really have a crush on is Paul Molitor and he's 49. Which now that I'm 36 doesn't seem that old. When I was 13 and he was 26, it seemed forbidden. Now, it would be no big deal. If only he weren't married. Damn, so am I. You tend to forget those things when your husband lives with his girlfriend!

I guess I started a negative trend at work because the new guy's wife asked for a divorce. They've been married 20 years, have two kids and grandchildren. He just moved here from AZ and she was supposed to be coming too, but then out of the blue broke the news to him. Poor thing. Stuck in a strange city, with no friends, at a new job and now his wife wants a divorce. I feel bad for him. Since it was unexpected, he's not taking it too well.

I wonder if I looked as down as he does? I know I had a few crying days at work and just trying to get through each minute seemed like a major chore, but I am so glad to be out of that stage. I went through the five stages of grief pretty fast, once the meds kicked in. Now if I feel like I'm going to have a panic attack, I pop a Xanax and I feel like I could take on the world. I just have to remember not to take them without eating something first, or else I feel like I'm on speed. I type faster than normal, talk like that guy who used to do the FedEx commericials back in the 80's (Kim, if you're reading this, you have no idea who I'm referring too, since I'm so ancient and you were just a twinkle in mom and Frank's eyes when that commercial was out. Also, I'm not buying the whole, "It was done for comedic purposes and only as a bit for the show." *bullshit* Hurricane's pipe is mine!!) and seem like I'm on the biggest caffeine buzz known to mankind.

Alright, after the fight with Mike, I took two Xanax and they're now kicking in. I'm off to run a marathon, clean the house, wash the car, swim some laps and then crash. OK, I lied. I'm going to watch TV. I'm missing "Seinfeld".

Ciao,
Mich