Update...

Sunday, April 23, 2oo6: M and I are back together after a tumultous year apart. I had to deal with his crazy, ugly whore of a girlfriend. Isn't she lovely? That's her booking photo. I didn't think she could be worse in person, but she was. She came to court (for our visitation hearing) wearing boy clothes. She had on M's t-shirt, some god-awful jeans and tennis shoes. The topper, she had a head band in her hair, circa 1990 and Hilary Clinton! She's only 22, so you'd think she'd be more hip. NOT!

Honestly, I don't know how I got through it with my sanity intact. There were many times when I was suicidal and I needed to be put on more meds, along with anti-anxiety pills. Then, things slowly got easier and I was living life, enjoying it and moving on. I had to deal with the fact that he had visitation and I hated that part. One day, he had her and he called my cell and said he was coming back in 2 weeks, when I was set to move into my new apartment. So, I was nervous. OK, I was beyond nervous. To say I had anxiety was an understatement. I swear, I took more Xanax in those weeks, than I probably did in the past year.

Things are okay at best. M is used to coming and going as he pleases, and continues to do so. I'm keeping my options open because I will not get hurt again. My feelings are there, but not as strong. Everytime he does something else that hurts me or makes me feel as if I'm not a priority, a little of that love disappears.His son was born in either February or March. That whore left the state because she didn't want her current husband to know she was knocked up. That makes 4 kids by 4 diff3rent fathers. What a slut! Yet, M has the nerve to say that I was probably sleeping around for the past year. Honestly, sex was the farthest thing from my mind. I could have, but I didn't want to jump into bed with just anyone. I'm saving myself for Eminem!

Well, I'll keep you posted as to how things turn out. I'm not hopefull. I just take it one day at a time.

M.