I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

December 11, 2004: I can dream can't I? There is no way I'll be seeing snow this year, but for those of you who will...I'm jealous. Actually, Christmas is no big deal to me. I have a messed up family - my mom's husband is racist and seeing as how my two children are mixed, they aren't welcome in 'his' house. Therefore, my mom and sisters will come to my house for a few hours on Christmas morning and then we'll be alone the rest of the day.

How is that for a Christmas celebration?? It sucks. I long for the days when my grandparents were still alive and my whole family would get together. I have such happy memories of that time. Everyone dressed up and all of the kids excited and anxious to open their gifts. Plus, being Italian meant a huge feast! My grandmother was an excellent cook. She baked cookies, cakes, and this was one of the days when she would make gnocchi. If I close my eyes I can still picture her standing at the stove cooking. Mmm, the wonderful smells that came from her kitchen! Unfortunately, my children will never have those kind of memories of their grandmother because she chose and chooses to remain with someone like her husband. Go figure.

Then there is M's family. They all hate me. I think they feel like I came between him and his ex and they would prefer her. (She's a crack whore - and I'm not kidding.) Me? Not so much of a crack whore. I take te responsibility of raising my children seriously. His family would rather him be with her, than me. I guess it all comes down to the fact that I don't take crap from anyone. Oh, I used to, but age has brought wisdom. Wisdom to realize that not everyone will like me, for whatever reason. I can not change that fact, so why bother trying to please everyone, while sacrificing myself? I can not be the type of person to kiss ass. Nver have; never will. M's two brothers and their wives do, however, kiss ass. Why? I think they believe it will get them a bigger inheritance. Which it just might.

M's sister-in-laws hate M's parents. They will tell anyone and everyone - just not their husbands. They made the big mistake of talking shit about M and I, to MY MOM! How dumb is that? Of course my mom told me. When confronted, they denied everything. Plus, they had told my mom other things - things about M's parents that to this day, we still do not know. She would only tell M's brothers what was said, as proof they were lying. Somehow, it still ended up being my fault. So, needless to say, we do not talk. They have not seen C and B since last year at this time. So much for family.

Mich